Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I am available for nakedness
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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