take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
