32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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