I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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