Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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