your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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