The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He? As in you personified your dick?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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