i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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