I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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