I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
