So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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