Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
