Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
