i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
bring money and cleavage
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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