Umm I'm too high to move.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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