mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.