I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
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There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You made out with two different species that night
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
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I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun