I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
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do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
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I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"