he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?