just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You took a bar mat shot.
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Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
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Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.