I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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