Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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