there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
