it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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