I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
