Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize