We're like a lot better than the average bears
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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