all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
