I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
