dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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