it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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