Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
