too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
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My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
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But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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