guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
