That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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