so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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