To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
