Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
