Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
