then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
