i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
