That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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