I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
