I think scott just propositioned me for sex
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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