I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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