i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
