thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
