she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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