how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
