his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
