you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
