you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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