This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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