Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
