I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
