i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
