I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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