So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
