I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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