What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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