How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
