Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
