Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
