i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I can't put those talents on a resume
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
