Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
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They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
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He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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